DSM Diagnosis Volume: COVID-19

Introducing the newly updated........

DSM Diagnosis Volume : COVID-19, est.2020

Compulsive Limited Quantity Shopping Disorder

A disorder in which an individual believes that when signs such as “Limit: 1 per customer” are posted, the customer is obliged to purchase one such item, regardless of whether or not the individual is in need of the item. This disorder is seen most frequently when items upon which limitations are placed happen to be ordinary household items such as toilet paper or paper towels.

Social Isolation, Self-Isolation Disorder

A disorder in which an individual practicing social isolation with his or her family unit, further isolates him or herself from the family unit for a time, in an effort to prevent the spread of a secondary mental disorder such as craziness. Individuals with this disorder may be found curled up on the couch with a good book and dark chocolate, or perhaps outside “cleaning the grill”, beverage in hand, long after dinner is over.

Projection Glossophobia

A disorder in which a person is afraid of public speaking, not so much of themselves speaking, but of others speaking, particularly those in leadership who possess the potential to say things which may not be particularly helpful to a nation in crisis.

Anti-Elsa or Thought-Hoarding Disorder

A disorder in which a person has an overabundance of thoughts as to what led to the current state of affairs as well as an overabundance of thoughts regarding potentials for the future. Such an individual hoards these thoughts, even when alerted to the fact that most things are beyond their direct control, and that hoarding such thoughts is only detrimental to their mental well being. They are particularly disturbed by songs rocking the nation such as “Let it Go”, which completely contradict their frame of mind.

Lost Holiday Disorder

Occasionally seen in children in times of crisis and national pandemics, when holidays are not celebrated in the traditional fashion of large gatherings. The disorder may be further complicated when what is traditionally reserved for holidays, such as the wearing of masks, becomes commonplace.

Mood Disorder

A disorder in which a person, who even in the best of times is relatively emotionally stable, experiences a range of emotions, from what under normal circumstances would not elicit such a reaction. For example, a child may be extremely happy to come down for breakfast, and the next minute extremely upset to find out that sugary cereal is not an option just because there is no school. An adult may find him/herself in tears while running errands because the toilet paper truck has not yet made a delivery. People who are usually happy to see one another, may experience the opposite emotion after spending all day, every day, for months, together.

Zoomaphobia

A person with a fear of being trapped indefinitely in Zoom meetings. This disease may also be accompanied by recurring dreams in which: A.) The individual panics due to an inability to come up with an excuse for not being able to attend the next Zoom call session. B.) The individual thinks he or she is muted but discovers that he or she is not. C.) The individual forgets that he/she is dressed business casual from the waist up only, and stands up during the meeting revealing lounge pants that do not exactly match the business top.

**Disclaimer- This diagnosis manual was established for the medicinal purposes of individuals at risk for developing these diseases (ie. laughter: the best medicine). It should in no serve as a replacement for professional help. We encourage you to seek help right away should you feel it is needed, just remember to call first before heading to your local provider, who may feel your symptoms can be handled via Zoom.