When Fear Wins, When Faith Wins

 

I've had a series of rounds with fear and faith this year.  Adoption, then a potential birth father standing in the way of adoption, finally..adoption.  Health issues, probably not serious, likely very serious, not serious, back to possibly still serious.  Then of course the deadly Ebola virus hit the United States, in Dallas (where I live), at Presbyterian Hospital (one of the places my husband works).

 

One thing that has become very apparent to me with the Ebola virus is that I am not alone in my fear.  People are scared.  A little fear is healthy, this is not the time and place to open the doors of the isolation wing to visitors. If we did not fear disease we'd never wash our hands and we'd eat out of one public dish at restraunts which would produce an epidemic.  But too many of us Christians, myself included, go beyond a healthy dose of fear, and when it does fear begins to dominate where faith once did.

 

When there is nothing visibly before me to fear, I walk in faith.  I believe that God created the universe, and little me as part of it.  I believe He is all powerful and that nothing happens outside His control or His allowing it to happen.  I believe that even though this life will end, there is an eternity waiting.  I believe that God loved me enough to send His only Son to die for my sins and that because I know His Son as my Savior, I will spend that eternity with Him, a glory beyond compare.  I believe that God knows the number of my days on this earth and that He will complete His work in me and allow me to complete my work for Him before He takes me home.  I believe that no matter what happens, He will never leave me or forsake me.  I believe that because that's what His word says and His word is truth.  That's what I believe when I walk in faith.

 

But when something visible (or circumstantial) is before me which causes me to fear, sometimes I walk in fear.  I fear that things are out of control.  Actually things are out of my control, but then again they always were, the circumstance only reiterates what was always true.  I fear God, not in the awesome fear I am supposed to have where I tremble at His presence because He is God and I am not, but I fear Him in the sense that perhaps He's unhappy with me and letting life spin out of control to prove it. I fear the future, because I forget that Heaven is my future and I see my future as the days in between today and Heaven.  I fear that between today and Heaven He just might expect me to handle something I am afraid I can't handle.  And when my fear grows big enough, instead of falling on my knees before the One true God who is in control, I try and take control myself.  I ask for twelve different expert opinions on my health condition, I research it to exhaustion and buy every possible supplement I can in case one of them happens to help.  I decide that if Ebola is out there, it's not getting in here, and I lock my doors and windows and pray my husband can find another job because I certainly don't want him going to work.  I'm not ready for my earthly days (or the earthly days of those I love) to be complete.  And because I seem to think that life happens according to my desires and time tables, rather than God's, I make it my business to control life accordingly.  And eventually, my effort to control my little world, controls me.  And someone picks up Ebola at the grocery store (which is a little hard to avoid), and finally I fall on my knees and I pray "Where are You Lord, can't you see how hard I am trying to do the right things?"  

 

And ever so sweetly The Lord answers me.  He reminds me, that being in control, is not my job.  He reminds me that He really has numbered my days, and that Heaven is my future, and that He really can give me faith each moment between here and there.  He reminds me that He not only created the universe and little me, but that He loves little me, so much that He sent His Son to die for me so that Heaven could be my hope and my reality.  He reminds me He has a storehouse of grace which can enable me to walk in faith, not fear.  Faith in Him, not in forty seven supplements and the off chance my husband really can find another job.  Faith in Him, that where I am, is exactly where He knew I would be today, and that He is here with me.  Faith that He holds the future, and He will hold my hand as I step into it.  

 

It is natural to fear.  Abraham did, and He's the father of faith.  Isaac did, and He was Abraham's promised son.  They both tried to take control, by lying and pretending their wives weren't really their wives because they FEARED what might happen if they just let life unravel as it was and just let God handle the situation.  God allowed the situations they feared to turn out fine for both men, but if you read the accounts you'll see that God intervened not because of their attempts to control but in spite of them.  (See Genesis 12 and Genesis 26 for these accounts).  

 

Surrender is hard, always has been, always will be.  But what is even harder is hanging on to control when it wasn't ever really yours to begin with.  Your greatest fear, my greatest fear, has already been confirmed; we are not in control.  God is in control; when your faith is in God, your greatest fear becomes your greatest hope.  

 

As I go to bed tonight I will pray that God would give me guidance in dealing with my health concerns.  I will pray that He might protect my husband and all the hospital workers from contracting the diseases of those they treat.  But then, instead of surfing the web for more health guaranteed supplements, or trying to find my husband a job on Wall Street instead of the hospital, I'll trust that God knows exactly where we're at and I'll surrender my life and the lives of the ones I love the most, to Him.  And if I sleep peacefully it won't be because I don't have fears, it will be because God has given me faith.  

 

And that's what happens when faith wins.

 

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

                                                                                                 Hebrews 11:1 (ESV)