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The Paradigm Shift of Loss and Grief

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You will always miss a heart you have greatly loved.  You will always wish that dreams did not crumble and that life was not so fragile and so tenuous. Loss occurs in a moment, but it’s ramifications last a lifetime.  Loss, like one tap to a stacked domino train, is not an isolated event. It results in the loss of countless other things, many of which are irreplaceable. In addition, loss can trigger memories of past grief, and usher in fears of potential loss to come.  In the absence of loss, life seems bright and controllable. Enter loss, and life can look dark and uncertain. Losing someone you love is overwhelming in and of itself. Given the domino effect it is no wonder loss overwhelms us.  

 

Putting loss into words is difficult.  Recently I read a piece on loss in which the experience of grief was compared to the experience of shipwreck.  The author did an exceptional job of putting these words down. It was posted in Reddit, and is referenced on many sites including the loss foundation.  (Copy and paste link below in your browser to access.)  

 

https://thelossfoundation.org/grief-comes-in-waves/

 

I concur with the author, when shipwreck hits, the rush of the waves is shocking.  Those who have been shipwrecked before, know that the drowning do eventually resurface, but it does not make the shipwreck any easier.  Each loss is unique, you have to learn to swim all over. No matter how “seasoned” your life is with loss, no one wants to be shoved underwater, it is more pleasant to simply float along. 

 

 Mostly in grief we try to survive.  Thanks to Someone much greater than ourselves, we do.  From time to time we are washed ashore. It is not a Caribbean Island, but a deserted island where the grieving most often land.  This is because great love yields great pain. When you lose someone you love greatly, no one but you, can understand how greatly you feel the loss.  Others who have loved greatly understand in some measure. Still, you cannot be for each other what the one you lost was, and thus there is always a sense in which you feel alone.  Off in the distance, those of us who grieve see the mainland. On the mainland live those who have yet to plunge into the ocean of grief. Some there have experience with grief, but they are enjoying the mainland again and do not wish to be reminded of the sea.  There are also the compassionate. Other islanders, and a handful of intuitive mainlanders, who are willing to meet us in our grief. Some send survival packages our way, some even row out and meet us for a time. Ultimately, whether through the gifts of others, or gifts He Himself brings, the Man of Sorrows helps us see that we are not alone in our grief, and we never were.    

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Life is a series of paradigm shifts, through which the reality of the devastating effects of sin becomes more real, and the gift of Christ’s death and resurrection becomes more precious; loss is one such shift.  The greatest loss was the loss of innocence in Eden, when because of man’s disobedience, sin entered the world and it became broken. And while God’s redeemed are promised a new and better dwelling place, here, the brokeness remains.  Loss causes us to feel the devastating effects of sin, not just on the world, but on us personally. The sadness is real. It causes us to shift our paradigm of hope... a little farther away from what can be lost and a little closer to that which cannot.    

 

You will always miss a heart you have greatly loved.  You will always wish that dreams did not crumble and that life was not so fragile or so tenuous.  If you are willing, you will learn more from loss than just the fact that you are not actually the captain of your own ship.  You will come to know the Captain Himself, in a way that is possible only when you have traveled with Him through the storms. Would you have rather stayed on the mainland?  Maybe, but here is the thing. The mainland is not the main land.  

 

You will always miss a heart you loved, but only if by “always” we mean here on this earth.  There is more than “here”, there is a Mainland, where love knows no pain. Here, you will always miss a heart you greatly loved, but that is no reason not to love, or to stop loving a heart you are temporarily separated from by mortality.  Love as if it might be your last day to love, because in an earthly sense it might be. Love as if love will never end, because eternal love will not. Grieve freely and fully, because the sadness is real. Let the sadness walk hand in hand with the joy it cannot take away.   Keep on, keeping on. Swim. Rest. Breathe. Never stop missing. Never stop loving. Never stop living. Allow the loss of what can be taken away, to magnify your understanding of what never will be. It is one way in which the heart you loved so greatly keeps on beating.  

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"Love never ends..."  I Corinthians 13:8 (ESV)

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