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Convergance

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We are in the middle of the Coronavirus pandemic as I write.  It appears we are converging on the idea that something has to change in regards to this pandemic.  The problem is that what we would like to change, we cannot.  What we can change, we differ in opinion as to whether or not we should.  Some people do not mind wearing a mask.  Some are highly opposed.  Some are at peace with the randomness with which COVID-19 turns life-threatening, even among those who are not in the high risk group.  Others do not like to talk about that.  There is so much we do not know, and what we know changes daily.  Then there is the problem of choosing to believe only what one wants to believe, and in the case of COVID-19, you do not have to look very far to find an appealing opinion to adopt as truth.  I do not have answers, just more questions.  It is okay to have more questions than answers.  After all, maybe we do not have answers because we are asking the wrong questions.   Today the question I ask myself is not “Should things be opening up?”,  but “Should I be opening up?”  

 

Of course I should be opening up.  Opening up to God’s plans and ways, not mine.  Opening up to His kingdom coming, not mine.  Open to the joy that He offers me even in the hard moments.  Open to walking the hard moments, rather than checking out when they come. 

 

 Much is converging in my world, and not just varying angles of COVID-19.  It is my first summer as an orphan, and perhaps the last summer I will hold the dream of adopting another child of my own.  God has never left me and I know He never will.  Sometimes I still feel lonely.  

 

When life is painful, difficult, uncertain, people want to know, Is God enough?  I want to know too, I would just rather not walk the places I am wondering if He will be.  Losing my will in His can be as difficult as  getting a country to agree on a plan for reopening.  How high and lifted up my desires can become.  Let’s face it, God is perfect.  If someone needs to realign their will for convergence to happen, that someone would be me.  

 

One thing I love about the Psalms is how David was not afraid to acknowledge His sin.  He took his frustration over his inability to perfectly align His will with God’s, to God Himself.  He did not gloss over his heartache with an “Oh well, He knows best.”  He poured His heart out, pleading for God’s presence to be shown or known to him in the midst of the dissonance.  He was willing to go to the lonely places and find God there.  He was willing to sit in the darkness until God made Himself light.

Why, O LORD, do you stand far away?  Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?  -Psalm 10:1

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.  -Psalm 42:5 

 

To get the kind of help we need, we must be the kind of people that get helped.   Thankfully, God has told us what kind of people that would be.

  

But he gives more grace.  Therefore it says, ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’  Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.  James 4:6-8 (ESV)

 

Perhaps you are not walking a road toward adoption.  Most likely you are walking something.  Life is full of lonely places.  Not everyone will meet you on your road, and that can be disappointing.  There is however, One who will always meet you, and that is as certain as any uncertainty you face.  What has to change, is us.  The One who can orchestrate that change, is One who has promised that as we seek Him, He will.  How I pray we are on verge of convergence.

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